Whiteness

It's something I've talked about previously. It's something I've discussed at great length with my lecturers and professors at Waikato University. It's something I've mentioned to other white-passing Māori friends/colleagues of mine too. 

Yet, it's still happening. 

My whiteness. 

My beautiful, olive skinned complexion. 

My whakapapa running through my veins. 

My feet resting firmly on the shoulders of my tupuna. 

I'm lifted up. 

But yet, it's somehow not enough. 

I know my ancestors would be proud of me, how far I've come. 

How I recognise all aspects of my whakapapa. 

How I travelled and pilgrammaged to Prague, Guernsey and waahi tapu throughout Te Rohe Potae in the past year. 

Yet, I was asked a question during my appraisal hui whether my struggles this year getting my leaders in my bi-lingual class, and therefore the rest of the students, to accept me, might have had something to do with my whiteness. 

But I know that not all of their teachers are "visibly Māori" as my appraiser put it. 

We've discussed this issue here on this blog at length. 

We've discussed my need at eight years old to do a haka on my grandfather's dinghi. 

I've shared and shared and shared the plethora of strategies I've used to belong in the classroom, to have success as Māori in the classroom but also and most importantly, to feel safe in the classroom. 

Because our learning spaces are not just for our students. They're our workspaces too. We need to feel safe in ourselves there too. 

Yes - I am white. My grandmother asked me last year whether I knew that. I looked at my skin and said, "Yes, I know I'm white. But I'm also French, Irish, Scottish, Czech, etc AND Māori too." 

At that time she had shared some frustration with the fact that I'd made a joke to my sister about there being a dead hawk in the freezer that she couldn't eat. That I'd be plucking it to use for my korowai sampler. Which I did. Under karakia and guidance and mentoring by my kairaranga last year. 

I've made so much change and development in my life to find belonging and understand who I am. 

I was brought up in a French whanau, who chose not to learn French. Who were and are quite happy with being all the good and all the bad parts of being a Pākehā New Zealander. 

They never appreciated or acknowledged I was Māori... until that one time Tainui owned the Warriors. Then, my Grandad shared my Māori-ness to some random stranger at a sporting shop in Matamata.

They came to my kapa haka performances. They also came to my netball and basketball games. I think they just loved me and watched me do whatever I was doing. 

They thought I was cute. Being one of the only 'white' kids in the roopu. Mum fought for me when a girl shoved me up against the wall in A block corridor at my high school and told me I was too white to do kapa haka. I tell people that I was the kaea. I'd like to think that my singing was that sweet. I don't know anymore whether that was the truth or a lie I've grown used to telling to make the story better. I tell people that she did this because she was from a gang family. That she would have been brought up a certain way, to not think much of me in the roopu. 

I wonder whether my whiteness was just too much for her. No matter that my whiteness hadn't been an issue since I was five and was in the roopu at primary school. My whiteness wasn't a problem when I performed in front of Te Ariki Dame Te Ataairangikaahu at Turangawaewae marae. Nor was it a problem when I became a Māori Mentor for the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences at Waikato University. Because I belonged. 

From a young age I was taught the 'Pākehā way'. My Grandad caught eel, fish, whitebait, trout. He hunted for boars and stags. He shot many ducks and Canadian Geese. He was an inventor. He always had a green thumb and could grow nearly anything. He knew many names of the trees and brush in the bush. He had Māori friends. He taught me many of these skills. 

I learnt from a young age how to do Native American chanting. How to make medicine sticks. How to use sage to bless a house. How to use my naturally born wairua to impact on others. 

My mum thought this was okay. 

I do not. Learning an appreciation of another culture is great. Making it our own, is not. That's cultural appropriation.

I grew up, as my readers know, without my dad. I did however know my dad's mother, Mary who I now call Gran. My Gran sent me photos often of my beautifully multicoloured siblings who I didn't know. 

My Gran would share her whakapapa with me. She would share her stories with me. She would share her trauma with me too. Because it's important to share who we are, where we've been and where we will go to next. Who we might become. 

My Gran won't get to see this in person, but I know she's rooting for me. That she's supporting me, guiding me, being there for me. 

I know that she always wanted to go back to her grandmother's marae. Her marae. My marae. She insisted on waiting, for the right time. I have been assisted by my marae and trust board to get through University. I intend on going back there for wananga. I've invited my dad to come with me. He may choose not to. But I'm still going. Because it's my birthright. Because that's where our tupuna were born. That's where I will find our urupa filled with tupuna in our whanau. 

My grandfather Colin, was French. His father came to NZ when he was three years old. He was born in the Channel Islands. Grandad's grandfather Francois came to NZ with his brothers and father Jean Francois Le Long and mother Marie Nedellec. 

I know my whakapapa. 

I can quite happily recite strands of it back six or so generations. Some I can go back further. 

Maybe this new agitation is what was needed to build and stoke that fire within me once again. 

I don't need to prove to anyone who I am. 

I am me. 

I continue to learn, to appreciate, to grow. 

I once thought that my wings had been clipped. I don't think that any longer. But they were restrained. I needed that fighting spirit once more. 

Ngā mihi 🙌🏼

Hawaiki karakia korero at Te Awanuiarangi

A kaumatua told a story at Te Awanuiarangi on Friday at #digiday about how Maori are the only ones to retain the original karakia from Hawaiki out of all of the polynesian islands. He said how the missionaries taught the polynesians Christianity and made them put aside the old ways. Whereas Maori were happy to learn the ways around Christianity and to be taught many other things - but still held onto the old stories and karakia. As a result we still have the Hawaiki karakia.

He talked about two moments when he talked with his kaumatua and kuia about these karakia from Hawaiki - ones for travelling over water and for growing Maori Taro.

He saw two kuia doing karakia over the taro while they were sowing and growing them and asked them what the karakia meant. They said, "Kua ngaro nga kupu (meaning). Heoi ano, kei te pai." (We forget what it means but it's okay.)

When he and his company took over a dolphin watching business, he asked a kaumatua for the karakia from Hawaiki for safe passage over water. His uncle gave him 12 karakia. From these he made one based on the similar words and phrases in the karakia and translated it for the guide to use before going to dolphin watch. The guide said that when they got out to the water there were 20 dolphins waiting for them. She said to him that it had never happened before. The dolphins heard the karakia and knew to be there.

He realised then what the kuia meant by the words, "Kei te pai." Just because we may forget the meaning, it still means something to that which we do karakia over.

The same with the taro.

We may forget what the meanings are of our karakia but the intention is still felt.

The last thing he said was a moment from his own father who said, "Faith moves mountains... but bring a shovel just in case."

This koroua was none other but Waaka Vercoe. An absolutely beautiful storyteller, charmer and sharer of knowledge. :)

Rotary and Maori Women's Welfare League

It's not often I talk about these two passions on this blog. Partly because this blog is for my reflections on teaching and my evolution as I grow to become better and better as a teacher and learner.

Both Rotary and Māori Women's Welfare League allows me to do this as well.

Since November 2013 I've been involved with Rotaract - a fantastic group of like minded people who are interested in giving back to the community and who love fundraising - plus the fact that I had over 10 instant friends explains the fellowship side of it. Very quickly into my time in Rotaract I became the club Secretary and I've kept the role ever since. Mid 2014 we had our changeover and I was given the role of incoming President as well as current Secretary. This year though - I decided to give up my incoming presidency to a friend who is just so much more organised, has amazing ideas and a lot more time to give at the moment. She is going to make an amazing President for our club in Rotorua this coming year. So I stay secretary and possibly move into Presidency mid year 2016...

Rotaract is part of the Rotary family. It's a huge organisation built on strong foundations. When I grew up Rotary, Lions and other clubs were what I called 'Old White Men' clubs. And... for the most part it's stayed that way. Over the last 20 or so years, women have joined in and helped to continue making Rotary one of the largest charitable groups in the world.

As a member of Rotaract, you tend to be between the ages of 18 and 35. After that time you can become a Friend of Rotaract or join Rotary. If you're younger, you can join your school's local Interact club.

As a teacher at WHHS and a Rotaract member, I help to facilitate our Interact club. Not that our students need much help but it was definitely good last year to have Interact being run consitutionally and having Changeover from mid year to the following mid year. July to June. It works well in the Northern Hemisphere but it works well at Heights too because it's broken up the tradition of the Y13 students, often the prefects, running it and then leaving it with no succession plan for the coming year. By running Interact constitutionally, changeover requires a younger student, possibly a Y12 to step into the role of President for the coming year so that when they're Y13 they have half of that year to do as much as possible and then hand it on to the next Y12 in July. This also enables the club to keep running as the Y13s tended to drop everything to focus on their studies at the end of the year - and while that is a good focussing stratevy - it didn't help the structure or life of the club. At the moment I'm helping them bring in younger members to build more capacity.

In all three Rotary divisions there are areas where you are able to work with others in areas of passion. For example, the youth director in each Rotary club works with Rotaract and Interact. The Rotaract International Director works with our international focus areas to build a stronger fellowship and connections. The Interact Club committee ensures that everything they do is being recorded and collated for years to come, as well as build membership.

I was once told by a Rotary member that building membership was the most important thing and it was not always done properly. In Rotaract at the moment we went through a stage where a lot of people left, due to previous club drama and we have basically had to start again. We are slowly creating more of a presencd on our club's Facebook page and putting more effort into being seen by the Community and ensuring others know that we're out there.

Our most recent events include Happy Hour for a Cause where we fundraise for a particular charity- often local; SPCA fundraisers like Free High Fives and water stops in the Redwoods; working with the local Rotary clubs in big events like the Walkathon, Marathon and ShelterBox.

It seriously is such an awesome organisation and so many people just don't know about it or unfortunately have the same perception as I did while growing up. Rotary have brilliant funding opportunities as well as school exchanges overseas.

We finished up our #Rotary9930 conference today and it was a seriously amazing opportunity. I met a tonne of awesome people, learnt about the professional development and more opportunities that are available as part of the Rotary organisation. I wish more members from my club could have come. We have big plans to build stronger systems for the youth divisions here in Rotorua and we're looking forward to developing a stronger and consistent focus. Learning about the International Fellowship programme was fantastic! I'm definitely going to find out more about that. Rotary is a trusted organisation... it still boggles my mind to think that there is a little purple book with all of our details, partners, workplaces, past roles in Rotary... and the immense power and possible connections that can be made and used to develop a stronger and positive community... it's just fantastic. The international fellowship allows you to find different Rotary members to stay with, fly with, go yachting with... if you have a passion then there is a fellowship for you to join. So so cool.

After the conference today I headed to my next hui - with the Rotorua Māori Women's Welfare League. Such an amazing group of women who share similar goals to improve our community and uphold our values. They awhi and tautoko so many different people and programmes. In our roopu we have a majority of elder kuia and it's been my passion for a wee while now to begin a rangatahi (youth) division in our branch to build up the younger women in our community.

Today at our meeting two new members joined, a life member from another branch and a new (young) member. I was so stoked that it was the first thing I said... Laughed it off because I love our kaumatua and they are just absolutely brilliant. It is nice though to see another young(er) face too :)

Within this group of wahine I feel supported and part of a bigger and hugely historical organisation. With our tupuna, the likes of Te Whina Cooper and others who fought long and hard to build a healthier and stronger community for Māori women and Māori whanau.

The League works closely with a range of different groups in our community such as Plunket, kohanga reo, young and older children, holds oratory competitions and develops on-going focus areas to improve our community. We fundraise a lot too which I love and build beautiful connections with our people in the community.

The recent big event at Puketawhero park 'Give it A Go' day was a beautiful insight to the kaupapa of the League and it's something that is inherently passionate in me as well as pushes me to be consistently better every day. To be the best I can be, model positivity and be supported by kuia who are just so loving and very funny.

Hearing te reo Māori is one of the other reasons I go each month. Because it's not often something I hear every day. Perhaps I need to use more reo Māori so that others remember I understand and am somehow worthy of being spoken to? It's a different way of being here in Te Arawa - because not only is their dialect just a bit different, they seem to have a way about them where the reo is held close and not shared. Which I find weird because we're in a city of tourism, Māori tourism at that and the Te Arawa people are well reknown for their guiding and touring natures.

At least in the League I can count on hearing beautiful waiata, karakia, jokes in te reo Māori and kaupapa Māori. These toa wahine and mana wahine teach me daily how to be a better person, a better Māori woman and to develop better relationships with the people around me.

The only issue I have with both the MWWL and Rotary are their immunisation programmes. While I completely applaud them for their efforts, in eradicating Polio and improving child wellbeing (tamariki ora) I just can't seem to get past my feelings and anxiety around the issue.

On top of that is the need for our Rotary clubs to be more aware of the realities everyday New Zealanders face day to day as well as the need for them to be more aware of te ao Māori. To use te reo Māori more appropriately and be the forerunners of correct pronunciation.

That would be awesome.

And... for tonight - that is all. :)

History and the meaning of Tapu

So recently I posted a long and indepth post about who I am and what I do. It's had quite a lot of hits through Twitter which is awesome, just sayin'. The only thing that's bothered me is perhaps the fallout of the Maori aspects to it.

Call this a second half of that post if you will or just a brief opinionated and somewhat biased overview of the Maori history and resurgence of our culture.

Firstly and importantly - while not a retraction it's definitely pertinent that I explain a few things. Doing a haka on an upturned boat as a girl aged five has a few problems.