Thursday 21 March 2024

An emoji representation of my day

Thanks to Whaea Maude for this cool example of how to write about your day --

This is mine: 

Bro. Never have I ever needed a post like this before. 

First I went ๐Ÿงก๐Ÿ˜ and then I went ๐Ÿซฃ๐Ÿฅฑ๐Ÿ˜ซ and then ๐Ÿซฃ๐Ÿคจ๐Ÿ˜ฎ‍๐Ÿ’จ and then ๐Ÿคฏ๐Ÿซก๐Ÿฅน๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ˜ƒ and then ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ and then ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿคฏ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿคฏ๐Ÿฅฐ and then ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿซฃ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ฎ‍๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿ˜ฎ‍๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿ˜ฎ‍๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿฅฑ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿ™„ and then ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฒ๐Ÿ˜–๐Ÿ˜ต‍๐Ÿ’ซ๐Ÿซจ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿซฃ๐Ÿฅฑ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿซฃ๐Ÿ˜‘๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ and then ๐Ÿ˜ฎ‍๐Ÿ’จ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ญ and then ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜† and then ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿ˜ and then ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™‚

Reflection 2 -- Hard Day -- Y9s are awesome

I got a box of these yesterday and am so glad I did - even if just for the moment that came from my first lesson today ๐Ÿงก 

If you're wondering what I used these for -- alphabet, digraphs, consonants, vowels, beginning blends and ending blends and heart words -- 
Pink -- vowels
Teal - digraphs
Blue - ending consonant blends
Yellow - beginning consonant blends
Red - heart words

I still need a purple colour though for the vowel sound blends that are tricky -- that can be part of the heart word problematic spelling situation

Let me preface this by saying my new Y9 students are FREAKING amazing. I think they're the best Y9's I've encountered in over 13 years of teaching. I may have a little bias ๐Ÿ˜‚ #ManatuKids #TaitoaKids ๐Ÿงก #AurakiHard ๐Ÿงก (Love my #MauruaKids too! #BilingualismMatters)

So -- #storytime ๐Ÿ˜‚ 

We had an impromptu spelling test this morning, as all spelling tests should be ๐Ÿ˜‚ and we discussed different spelling tricks and strategies. While doing this, one of the students kept asking how to spell one specific word -- I think it might have been racism or strategy or something - I'm not sure. 

Anyway! 

While saying the word - I signed it. And oh my life!! did one of my students absolutely LIGHT up ๐Ÿงก๐Ÿงก๐Ÿงก

She signed it back and then buzzed out that I could sign (admittedly just bits and pieces) and was so stoked that I asked her to teach me more too. 

We had this cool little inside language, sharing it openly, normalising NZSL and talking about how others SHOULD know as it helps HEAPS. 

So -- just wanted to end my day on a really cool part because my days are peppered with these beautiful moments and rather than focus on the shitty parts -- I need to find the sunshine ๐Ÿงก

Oh and this !! 

One of my students showed me his writing. This kid had written over 500 words in two writing block lessons. 500!! And had the gall to tell me it was repetitive and boring. No. Not at all. Like at all. After I finished going through his writing with him, giving feedback, teaching him stylistic tricks and just being in absolute AWE of this writing legend -- I addressed the comment he wrote at the bottom of his writing -- and we deleted it. Because no part of what he'd written was boring or repetitive. It was freaking amazing. 

I showed him the Speculative Fiction NZ website, the competitions for writing and Starling Mag. And gave him more feedforward to further improve his writing. Because I tell you now - this kid will be a published author one day.

But while I addressed his comment - I also talked about how absolutely proud of him I was. How incredible his writing style was and how truly descriptive and engaging his story was. I talked that kid up - just to him - not to make his ego bigger but to fill his heart and to stop hating on himself so much. Because I saw a little sliver of anxiety and fear that his writing would never be good enough. For who? No idea. But I felt that connection and need for empathy powered counselling that truly hit home. 

๐Ÿงก 

I love teaching. I do. 

But I am exhausted of dealing with huge classes and no support. 

If you read this far and you're frustrated with me telling the truth? Best not check out my teaching blog from the past 13 years of teaching ๐Ÿ˜‚ most of the past year or two there aren't many posts because #burnout and #survival ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿ˜ญ but I totally felt empowered today and I'm going to keep advocating for myself and my students. Because our kids are our taonga and they deserve nothing but the best. Even if I can't be the best for them right now -- I can do what I can in the meantime til we have the right supports and resourcing in place #BYODadvocate ๐Ÿงก

Reflection 1 - Hard Day -- Y11s



Me pretending this is my peke ๐Ÿ˜‚ me pretending I made it ๐Ÿ˜‚ #occcwhanau 

Would straight up love to go back to my OG goal of being a kindy teacher, for real. ๐Ÿงก Am over the mad disrespect from SOME of our Opo teens right now. When I go to OCC I get soooo many waves, smiles and cuddles ๐Ÿงก the kids flock to me ๐Ÿงก sorry Riley ๐Ÿ˜‚ 

I think I need a break

#burnoutsucks Riding my third burnout wave like a boss ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿ˜ญ



Context -- year 11s were awful today. Not all. Some. I had to do TWO yellow cards. I never have to do them. Well, hardly ever. 

And two today. And it helped calm the kids down. 

But that was after another kaiako in the building came to check on me and the escalating situation. 

And after silly behaviour from students

And after my awesome seniors had volunteered their time to come support with the analysis and be my teaching assistants/teacher aides. 

Because there is no funding available for Y11s. 

And I have to get these kids through literacy. 

And there is SO much pressure. 

And soon I'm going to be the only senior English teacher in our kura. 

And it's heartbreaking. 

Hopefully we get the right people applying so I can be freed up to teach the seniors or just the right people apply so I have support in the senior school....



A comment to my mate in DM -- 
Yes! Tika tena oi ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿงก it's so downheartening and just upsetting. Our kids need to sort their shit out. And it's not all of them. Just some. But at Y11 I'd expect our kids to be better by now. But I just need some help. 35 kids, all high needs, and just me. It's really really hard. I've reached out for support from SLT. Am just waiting to find some funding or other solutions -- like team teaching or having another body or two to support the kids while I do one on one where needed. Makes me so sad for all the kids who miss out on the help they need and then play up because they can't access the learning. And it's not their fault. They actually want to learn. But I can't keep spreading myself so thin ๐Ÿงก

Wednesday 28 February 2024

#NCEArefresh - mini reflection

Mini reflection #NCEArefresh 

I've been pulling apart different articles, short stories and docos with my Y11s. For the majority of them - they're connecting with the ideas, learning how to identify the diff lang techniques quicker and becoming more confident when they get it wrong, to just try again. 

Am still having trouble with encouraging those who just don't want to engage ... But for now - I'm forging ahead with those majority who want to try. And it's pretty exciting. 

I've longed for this [actual teaching] for so long. Without the time constraints of assessment and management of the task etc - it's been really freeing to see our kids engage with texts, different levels of analysis and understanding.

#evolutionandimagination #burnoutcomeback

Sunday 14 August 2022

Reconnecting with my Why...

It's been a while, hey. 

Recently I was reminded about the power of WHY. 

Why I chose to become a teacher...

Why I continue to be a teacher...

And an ongoing thought - that I've lost my mojo. 

I simply don't enjoy being front and centre anymore. I feel like I'm putting on an act that has been so overdue to be cancelled that I don't know why it continues. 

Me. 

When I first started teaching - I was eager asf. I wanted to change the world. I thought I was. Every day. Every single class. Every tauira. 

Over time, I started to see the reality. That there are good days and bad days. More often than not - there are bad days that become bad seasons and then sometimes when there is a glimmer of hope ... And other times when that hope is so bright that it blocks out all of the possible dark clouds looming...

My love for teaching is still there... Dormant I guess. 

When people ask - I always say I love teaching. And I do. 

What other profession can you get so excited about, encourage others to grow and also scold in the same bloody second? ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฆ‍♀️ 

I just miss the old me. The girl with the stars in her eyes. The one who never backed down from a challenge. The girl who looked into the face of her enemies and thought strategically how to best solve solutions. 

I feel like the fight in me has gone. Like I've just accepted that there isn't much at all I can do. That I actually have no power over myself or my own space. 

Someone asked me recently if I felt undermined or that I'd become disempowered. And totally. There's definitely those feelings there. 

But to give up, run off and restart? I just don't have the energy. 

And I don't think I have the energy to keep going either. 

This year is my eleventh year teaching. 

I remember when we talked about the fourth year being the hardest... To make it to five years in teaching - in this climate ... Was something short of extraordinary. 

I made it this far. 

Four pracs, two failed, two passed - both in which I understood how racism and power play was systemic in school systems and structures. 

Three schools. All with their own pros and cons. 

I feel like I'm at a cross roads. 

Like I don't know what the next step is. 

We're smackbang in the middle of Term 3. 

Three years in with our old pal Covid-19 and the ongoing effect it is having in our education of the next generation. 

It's hard. Every single day. Masks, mandates, vaccines, sanitising surfaces, stress about sneezes and coughs, ensuring safety and open windows in spite of the cold weather. 

It's a daily struggle. Day in, day out. 

Add in the turbulent mental health of both teachers and students, whanau and our community...

The ever decreasing levels of literacy...

The ever increasing expectations from the community and our BOT to make shifts and improve our data

The overwhelming pressure of never being able to catch up or succeed. 

The serious stress resounding every single corridor, corner and classroom. 

It's a surprise we even have teachers left in the field as it is. 

Having given up lots of my extra responsibilities over the last year and a bit ... NZATE, PPTA, De Luxe Theatre, etc etc etc.... I am trying to reconnect with me. What I want... Who I want to be. 

I once had aspirations of becoming a principal. 

But I've realised that even as a principal - you still wouldn't be able to elicit real change. 

It makes me so cynical.

What is it that I can actually achieve myself? 

Who have I even made a difference for in the end? 

I honestly just feel like I've lost my why. I've forgotten what it is that I want and where I want to go. 

I'm just going with the motions and hoping for the best at the moment. 

I never wanted to be this person. Sure, I wanted the success, the financial stability of having bought my first home, the honour and privilege of having tauira who listen and engage with me. But what does it all account for? 

What does it all really mean? Who am I really benefitting right now as a teacher?

My one saving grace at the moment is my Drama class. They're amazing. They remind me to have fun and get excited again about teaching. I'm excited to have more drama fun with my mate RS. She is freaking phenomenal and an absolute superstar. Hopefully we do get to do some tean teaching next year in the music, drama and acting space. 

I recently talked to someone about me being their constant reset button. That they only come to see me when they need to be redirected in their life. 

I've just realised that by me not writing my thoughts out for so long - I've left all these thoughts to crowd my creativity and stop myself from being my best self. Why did I stop writing? 

I got busy. 

Riley.

Crystel. 

Life. 

But writing is still and always will be my passion. 

Gardening has been helping recently too. I just need to keep going. 

And write more. 

Reconnect with my why. ♥️

Sunday 3 July 2022

Impact of the 1907 Tลhunga Suppression Act - Real-Life Example

Had an awesome korero with a young man today. What could have been an ongoing aggressive situation was resolved with calm, enjoyable korero and lots of te reo Mฤori. 

We shared our stories, he told me his whakapapa and his own journey. He shared his ups and downs and talked about the whanau past and present who tautoko him. He talked about wrong turns and although we didn't get to talk about future plans and aspirations - I'm hopeful that he gets help and can find that inner peace he's seeking. 

The korero today was a reminder of how important it is to address mental health issues and look for the underlying issues - rather than just medicate for the sake of medicating. Lots of our young people are gifted with the ability to see beyond the veil, and for many of them, like this young man - it's a constant struggle to navigate. 

With a stronger mental health system that has a dedicated support and education programme designed to understand Whare Tapa Wha and the holistic view of a person -- we might see more well people, less crime, less mฤmae and more positive outcomes ♥️

More active acknowledgement is needed of our taha wairua and understanding that there is an ongoing negative impact from the 1907 Tลhunga Suppression Act. If this young man had been given support in this area - his life could have been so different. 

Far... Just imagine if our tลhunga didn't have to hide our indigenous knowledge... and if they had been able to share that with us over the last five generations.... Where would be now?

Ka aroha bub. Ka manawanui. Ka tลซmanako. Pai marire ♥️