Happy New Year everyone. Fourteen days in and I'm only really starting to feel relaxed now. Just now need to think about plans for this year, plans for me and plans for the future. Where am I now and where do I want to be?
I've spent three years at my current school and am moving into my fourth year now. Am currently in the middle of my fifth year of teaching. Perhaps this is why I feel the way I feel right now. There are tonnes of reasons why I love teaching. I want to see my next five year or even one year plan for myself.
Thinking about the next steps for someone else is a lot easier than thinking about what is going to be happening for me.
Studying with the MindLab I've had an injection of thought provoking and encouragement - but I still need more. Maybe I need to engage further with the MindLab articles and community and push myself harder.
Last night at MindLab I really enjoyed myself because we were all working together and collaborated on different areas of focus. This is why it's so good at MindLab. And... why I want to teach in Finland now too hahaha.
Last year I felt bored a lot of the time. Bored with the monotony and most of all bored with my daily life - the daily ins and outs of life as a teacher. I've made my career my life. While there are definite pluses to this - there are the obvious downsides... like being constantly tired and planning for the next steps and stages in my career rather than focussing on steps towards more enjoyment in my life.
I love love love teaching. But at this point I feel like I need something more. Something else too. What that is I don't know yet. But I'm open to the universe once again and ready for some new excitement and challenges.
To be honest - as a new teacher - it's hard not to want a life outside of school. Many of my friends do have lives outside of school. I know I used to when I lived in Auckland. For a while when I first moved here I had a life here too. Now it's become monotonous and boring. Perhaps that's because I've allowed myself to get into this monotonous headspace. Perhaps it's because I'm not pushing myself forward as much as I used to.
I know I'm quite happily stuck in my comfort zone at the moment and it frustrates me because I see so much more out there and I know that I could easily go out there and tackle all of the awesomeness.
After 2014 - my Yes Year... I suppose it's obvious that 2015 was going to be a huge let down because I held myself back in the idea of needing to find consistency. In the end, I found boredom and monotony. I feel like I was rolling with the tides last year. That I did as well as I could have but know that I still can do a hell of a lot more better.
2016 means Focus. Enjoyment. Goal setting again. Because I need something to look forward to again.
One of the main struggles I've been having is the loss of my te reo Māori. I really really need and want to remedy this. Going back to the Wa is definitely on the cards for me. I just need to go in and see them or check online...
Another issue is the very obvious lack of a social scene here in Rotorua for those like me - under 30 - (cringe moment there as I'm no longer under 25...) who have no ties - no children - no partners. In a city like this where it's easy to make friends if you have a partner or hobbies that include adventure tourism or a general love for exercising... or if you have been brought up here - it's hard not to feel a bit on the outs.
In Auckland it was way easier because my schoolmates were my friends and they wanted to do stuff on the weekend. Here, my friends at school are my friends at school. My home friends just don't live here. I've made a few outside of school friends but like any good hoarder - I feel like I need to do more and meet more people to feel happier and to be more me.
At the end of the day though - a lot of my stress and thinking about life is a result of my family issues at the moment because I would love to save money and travel like I've always wanted to do - but am scared of leaving my sister behind to deal with everything by herself.
As a teacher - I tell my students it's important to make goals so that you have a pathway forward. I had a brilliant pathway that I'd set for myself since I was 12. It changed a little over the years but I completed everything once I was registered. Now I'm kind of floundering...
I have general goals - travel, buying a house, being debt free...
And then the big ones - having a life outside of school, being a more integral part of my massive family, pushing myself to be the best teacher I can be...
I feel like I keep asking myself... is that all there is to life now? Is this it?
In other jobs I assume that there are certain ways you can move forward and up and be recognised for all the awesome things you do.
In teaching - that immediate feeling of satisfaction just isn't always there. Often you feel like another cog in the machine. All working together to produce... what? I need motivation and inspiration. If Grant Lichtman was my principal or my best friend... jeez I know I would be motivated and inspired every damn day haha.
Like I said... I love love love teaching. And I love being a teacher too. But is this all there is? Is there not something else out there? I'm waiting universe. Lead me and I shall follow... unless I just really don't like the direction you're taking me. Haha.
Not too sure what the point of this was meant to be... but I feel a bit more relaxed and rested and maybe even more focussed. At the very least these thoughts are out of my head and I can get started on working on an action plan to find some sort of life. Haha. 2016... here we come.