For Gran

This past week, you took your last breaths. You said last goodbyes to those who visited you and asked for help from those who were meant to care for you.

You were the one person I could truly talk to. Open up to. Share my thoughts, feelings and ideas with. I can do this with my Nan too but it's just different.

I already am craving ginger refreshers and those marmite onion toasty thingys you'd make us. The lolly jar and the biscuits you'd keep for us when we came to see you.

The butterflies on the wall of your house. The photos that showed the years I missed out on and the years I was a part of.

The way you just seemed to understand how I felt and could give a simple explanation and wise words to help get me through the next struggle.

I said today that we better be having some awesome korero in my dreams from now on. ❤❤❤❤

All I could think of today was singing Whakaaria Mai and saying the words, 'presented with'... perhaps the last words you heard on your way to the hospital for the last time.

Gran... no more pain. No more hospital checks or stays. No more being stuck in a small space. You're free, finally. After all those struggles. You are truly a warrior Gran. You are an inspiration. You led by example, helping us along the way.

This week, we said our farewells. Played your favourite music. Remembered the best times with you. We shared our memories and I wonder what will happen next with us, without you.

But you're still with us. The smell of your White Diamond perfume and wearing your watch I'd bought you before your last surgery.

The memories, the love and guidance.

The way you could bring complete peace at a moment's notice. Somehow. How did you do that?

I still have a lot of questions. I guess I'll have to wait til later to discuss in more depth.

I hope you were proud of me when I did the first reading for you during your requiem mass. Your coffin was so pretty. Truly. The funeral directors made you look so pretty too.

It was so good being able to sit by you again. To sleep close and send our love to you. To watch everyone and enjoy being with them. To know that I have a place with them, even without you there to make me feel wanted.

I realised just before that I haven't been writing in this blog for a long time. I've had a mental block and possibly even a spiritual one where I've told myself certain things that aren't true.

I need to write more. I have more stories to share. I have more people to help. But like you probably know, I need to work on myself first.

With all the love and positivity I can send out in one small bubble of hope...

Love you Gran xxx

Drop In Centre - Planning for Passion and Direction Forward

For a while now I've been wanting to open a drop in centre for our youth. Our youth are hungry - hungry for love, encouragement, appreciation, guidance, direction and of course, kai.

We have an incredible amount of services here in Rotorua. I don't know much about how they all work together - I know that they must do - but surely there is a step missing.

I think my plan is the step missing.

We have an incredible youth centre in the middle of town. They have great programmes and opportunities for our kids. The majority of these programmes cost money though and our kids don't often have the money to do them, let alone a bus fare there.

For our kids out here - there is very little direction and focus. Not much to keep them busy. Therefore, those that do get into trouble, will.

Our youth don't have many positive role models. There is an awesome organisation called Big Brothers and Big Sisters which now have a branch here in Rotorua. The last time I researched though they only catered for the primary and intermediate aged kids.

There is an awesome group of people doing sports in the suburbs and keeping our kids out of trouble.

Our youth need more support in staying busy and finding their passion. At our schools we have different clubs and sports for those inclined. There is and always has been a massive group of kids who don't have a direction, no focus and definitely no support towards their goals.

Our youth need mentoring. They need support and encouragement.

There are so many services helping the kids. I just am unsure whether the services are catering all the kids out there.

An audit needs doing - to figure out what services are being used, what services are even out there.

I need to figure out how best to decrease the amount of youth in youth prison and ensure better outcomes for all youth.

My plan has and always will be a drop in centre. But there's more to it. It needs to be an overarching programme that works with all of the other people to create positive, supportive and more direct support.